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One of the biggest decisions you will make regarding your marriage is the decision whether or not to take your new husbands last name. Of course, traditionally there was no question and while some women feel an emense loss of identity at this thought, others find comfort in this tradition.
And then there are those of us who fall somewhere in the middle. I have two last names to give up and with that, two little battles in my heart.
My legal last name is Scott, that’s my Fathers last name and though I wasn’t raised by my Father, I was brought up to have a close relationship with the whole Scott family. My Dad, all of my cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents are of the Scott family. In that sense, I understand what it is like to feel a part of something and not want to give it up.
I don’t want to give up Scott as I somehow feel it would disconnect me from what is my childhood memories, and not to mention most of the Scott family (apart from myself and one cousin) have all been men so they can all remain Scott’s.
My parents were never married and I was raised in a small city with my Mom and my sister. My Mom is an elementry school teacher and therefor very well known in the city by her last name. Her last name is Shelley and though I am Scott, with my Dad being out of the city and my Mom’s last name assumed upon me, I am a Shelley. We were the Shelley’s and there are no other Shelley’s, no aunts, no cousins, no grandparentsl, just me, my mom and my sister.
Our little home of just the girls where we sang songs from the movie Mermaids while washing the dishes every night. There is definitely something difficult about losing a last name. Though you know that it will not affect the relationships you have with these people, something still tugs at your heart a little bit, it’s sad.
For me, it’s important to take Brett’s last name because like I said, I was raised with a split household and while that was fine, I would love to be able to one day represent a united family with one family name.
The point is, we all struggle with this for our own reasons no matter how silly they may seem. Maybe you want to have a marital identity connected to your husband or maybe you’ve worked hard to develop your own identity professionally. Maybe this is a 2nd marriage and you’re concerned about having a different last name then your children have.
I think you have to determine what is the most important factor to you and remember that this is a subject that is widely accepted now. You are free to maintain your maiden name, hyphonate your name, take your husbands name or even take your husbands name but maintain your maiden name professionally.
I encourage you to do what feels right for you and I encourage all of our other readers to be open minded and respectful of those who do not take their husbands name.
